Thursday, December 17, 2015

Re-Living a Loss



Mr J truly enjoys getting out on city tours or planned outings. He is currently on the 3rd floor of the residence where he requires constant observation, but has the greatest personality and a sense of humour to allow him to mingle freely within the residence. On one occasion the Harmony team (responsible for wellness and harmony of every resident) organized a trip to Mahone Bay. J signed up with great excitement. He had property in East River and knew the south shore as home turf in an earlier time in his life. We departed at 1:07 p.m. and were on our way for a three hour drive. Coffee, tea, cream and fresh baked cookies were brought along.

Mr J came from a background of sales, and pharmacy was his education to work with his family in their pharmaceutical business. He was a married man with children but is now a widower grieving the loss of his wife and speaking to his children on occasion by phone or when they visit him on weekends.

While driving along at any time Mr J sits in the front seat of the bus. We chat about the weather, the houses, the traffic, and even the girls. We laugh when he makes a comment about something that strikes him funny – a car passing “must be in a hurry to go nowhere again”. But then there is a moment of silence – and when I glance to see how everyone is, J is deeply and sorrowfully weeping. This can last up to 5 minutes. When asked how he doing, he replies that he is “working through a few memories; no problem, thanks”. Mr J relives the death of his poor wife in his arms over and over several times a day, every day. [all part of his dementia]


All I can say at the time is that I am here if he needs anything. He responds with a smiling ‘thanks’. Mr J passed away late 2015. I sure miss that man!!

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