Never Letting Go

Ms J started life in England then made it to Canada.  She married twice and into money.  She had a hard life growing up with a strict father who discouraged her, but Ms J has conquered the barriers. She became a teacher after an education in England.  She held teaching jobs in Canada then retired. 

 

Her story is often told of her meeting her husband and how he could have become an Admiral in the Navy but decided he didn’t want to “drive a desk” and would rather “drive a ship”.  He was up there in the navy but passed away suddenly.  Ms J retells her story because it is her way of keeping those memories fresh.  The shock she lives is constant. 

 

Ms J received news in 2013 that she had breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy.  A week after being told that news, she broke her ankle. (Add insult to injury eh?) The cast and procedures around the cast became her obsession.. in fact it was as if (as one resident said) "she had found gold."  It was her way of receiving attention that she desperately missed.  The removal of her breast was the same. One would have thought she would go through this highly emotional distress of being something lesser than a woman but instead she broadcasted her situation every chance she got.  In fact in the van she now worries about the seatbelt as it may not fit properly from left to right and she’ll have to sit in the other seat.  Psychologically she never lets go of what she was and what she remembers and whatever happens now allows her to seek attention.  In a way it is sad and seemingly abnormal, but in reality it is her way of living and “never letting go”.

Many residents turn or try to look busy when Ms J walks into the room, but what she needs is love and support.  The competitiveness of this community shows even to someone who attempts to beat each thing anyone has done because she must – her quest was to stand up for herself to her father and she has done so ever since.  Keeping up appearances is more important than they know to this lonely lady.  She is now going through sixteen treatments (one per day) for her cancer and seems weaker after only three.

Ms J survived all those treatments and still resides at the residence in a relatively “confined” capacity on the extended care floor.  Her eyesight is going because of diabetes and servers have to steer her away from the dessert rack.  She cannot leave the building without a care worker.

As often as she is shunned by the people of the building she is never ignored by the chauffeur even though I can do little to relieve her of each situational issue.